SacredLeadership Blog

Silence, Relationships & Sacred Leadership

March 3rd, 2007 by jdavis

Leaders of all ilk are connected by telephone, fax, email, Blackberry’s etc. How many of you sit in meetings nervously watching the time, checking your email or even leaving the meeting to take calls? Larry Smarr, a professor at the University of California, Irvine, describes this as, “the meat is in the room but the mind is somewhere else.” Not a pretty picture but oh so true! This behavior speaks volumes about the leader’s priorities and values. What unspoken messages are you delivering when you practice the above behaviors?

In some ways it is difficult to escape the constant attraction of instant communication. In other ways this digital connectedness is a response to the loneliness and isolation that is so prevalent in our society. We yearn for connectedness and relationship but in the rush of our lives substitute digital communication for relationship on the emotional plane - relationship that is heart to heart not Blackberry to Blackberry. The “meat is in the room” but the mind and heart are not. In our desire to stay connected we often fail to “see” the person sitting right across from us!

Sacred Leaders must find “space” for relationship. Relationships are key to a leader’s success. But to find this “space” they must first slow down, stop and find silence. Silence which allows them to first attend to their interior state. Time to reflect - “Who am I being in this moment?” “How is my being reflecting my greater purpose and values as I serve the sacred mission of my organization?” “How is my being nurturing and creating relationships?”

Secondly, Sacred Leaders must find silence that permits them to “see” and “sense” the present. If we are not careful, we can find ourselves moving so quickly that we disregard the present and miss the emerging future.

Sacred Leaders must also creat “spaces” for silence for those they lead. They must create spaces that Jon Kabat-Zinn says “permit deep and open-hearted listening” within their team. Only through such empathic listening can we build crucial relationships.

Our failure to find time for silence alters our ability to “see” and “sense” things at a deep level before we make a decision. In other words, our incapacity for silence leads to reaction versus action. We react before we really understand the situation, only seeing what is on the surface; rather than taking the time to see the entire system at a deep level - allowing ourselves to act in a way that creates an alternative positive future. Seeing at this deep level requires that we slow down and silence our mind - opening our mind and heart to seeing and sensing at a new and deeper level.

Sacred Leaders must resist being “driven to distraction” and find tools that help them stop, see, sense and think - even in today’s hyperactive leadership environment. Take a moment to reflect on the following questions:

Do you create time for silence in your life? How? Be specific.

If yes, how do you sustain that time and how does it nourish your leadership?

If not, how can you create a time and space for silence?

How can you create the time and space for silence for those you lead?

How does this silence create and nurture the relationships you need as a successful leader?

Let us hear from you.

7 Responses to “Silence, Relationships & Sacred Leadership”

on 05 Mar 2007 at 7:37 am1 Tom Reynolds

These are excellent points and now more than ever are relevant. Giving people you lead time is the greatest gift. Neither mentoring or collaboration can occur with distraction or time pressure. With the pace of todays life being driven by technology we must take control back. It speaks volumes about who we are and does effect “the troop’s” morale

It also applies to selling. I know lots of salesmen who think chasing opportunities is more important than closing the business at hand. Staying “available” to everyone becomes the business model not selling. We must give each new customer the gift of time too if we are going to build trust and close the sale. These great communication devises become tyrants that may cost you buisness
on 09 Mar 2007 at 3:03 pm2 Rebecca

I just started exploring this site and this is the first thing I have read….but I have to say I’ve worked for a lot of people and had a lot of teachers and very few had any idea of how important “silence” or even seeing the person sitting right across from them is.
The things you’re saying here are refreshing.
on 10 Mar 2007 at 8:05 pm3 David

Perhaps an email could seem represent a more current and possibly more pressing matter since email has becoming a more common means of communication. But like anything else, emails should not be seen as an excuse to interrupt prior commitments, especially by someone who is taking the lead or setting an example of how important they see the task at hand. A manager who’s priorities seems to be and email that pops up instead of personal interaction has always struck me as someone who is not really in control of a entire operation, but rather as someone who would rather rely on others to insure that the mission is on track. I find it rude when someone feels that their other communications are a justified reason to interrupt their interaction with me. But I know that I have been as guilty of doing this myself.

The idea of having “silence” to reflect and keep a clear vision is incredible! Not that it is a new idea, or a technique that I have not heard of, but rather it is something that I never see in business! For myself, and seemingly everyone around me, business it a fast lane. Better yet, it is a fast lane in Los Angeles, where all of the other lanes are also being used for the same purpose. I know that taking a moment could make a huge difference for my own projects at work. Do you think that, by taking time myself to reflect, I could somehow influence those in leadership positions above me to do the same?
on 12 Mar 2007 at 9:50 am4 Tracy

Among the executives I work with, the challenge of making space for reflection in the workplace often seems insurmountable–and yet they long for it, and do see it’s value. At one client organization, Nissan, we have begun to employ intentional strategies for making the time during the workday for both individual and group reflection. Some executives have had to go to the extreme of blocking out spaces in their Outlook calendars (where every hour will be filled by meetings if they don’t). For others, we use an email journaling practice, with evolving sets of reflection questions that we send out monthly, giving them time to reflect and then journal their responses to each other and our coaches. And others use a ‘buddy system’ where they schedules dates to think and reflect together. These strategies seem to help some. However, old habits die hard, and I imagine it will take a lot of reinforcement and ‘help’ until the practice of reflection is embedded in daily work life.

I terms of influencing others to make the space, one idea is to build in reflection time during events or leadership forums, so they can ‘experience’ the value themselves. To the extent you can influence these events with leaders, I’d suggest building in time for simple meditation exercises, journaling, and ‘dialog’ walks to share individual reflections with a partner. Creating these simple spaces seems to do a great deal in opening leaders to the practice, as the value is almost always profoundly clear when they do it!
on 16 Mar 2007 at 10:07 am5 Ryan

I do create silence in my life…probably not enough to really sustain that inner clarity that we all need. I find that I am constantly taking in stimuli, which inhibits the ability to develop my own inner dialogue. I rarely have time to wake up early enough to allow more than a shower and a quick change of clothes and a mad dash to the car. Then, the radio bombards my brain with information, news, and music before I’ve even had a single intelligent thought. As soon as I’m somewhat awake-I’m greeting my fellow coworkers and making myself a cup of coffee. Before I know it, I’m so immersed in the workday that my brain is in a state of action and reaction…but not inner clarity.

Once this rushing around has subsided, I try to find ten minutes or so to find a space where I can sit in somewhat silence and think. I try to realign my thoughts, feelings, goals, and perspective. “Deep thoughts with Jack Handy.” =)

I do not oversee any employees, so I can’t really create silent time for them-but I can definitely see what value it would have in their further interactions. In today’s world, we are so quick paced and connected to technology/media, that we rarely take time to hear our inner voice and formulate complete thoughts and actions as opposed to “reacting” to life.
on 05 Apr 2007 at 5:51 pm6 Betty

Ryan, Some of us need more silence in our life than others. If you find that you have not had enough silence perhaps you can “schedule” alittle more, perhaps in the evening. Turn off the T.V. and reflect on the day or read a good book to calm your over stimulated brain. As for your co-workers even though you are not their supervisor you can create a form of silence for them, sometimes by talking a walk with them at break or lunch or perhaps even just asking them to take a deep breath and relax when you see they are getting stressed out over a task they are working on. We can lead from the position we work in and not all of us are bosses.
on 19 Apr 2007 at 3:48 pm7 Joilyn

To find reflection time, I’v learned two really effective practices. First I’ve learned to give myself permission to shut my office door and sit in my chair and do nothing but stare out the window for five minutes. I have a lovely tree and a flagpole to look at, not very interesting but enough to let my eyes rest from the computer and my mind to slow down from the hundreds of decisions I have to make and thousands of questions I need to answer every day. My mind stays on the problem at hand and by the end of five to ten minutes I usually have a pretty good handle of what to do next.

I’m often bombarded with requests and questions by my employees. I usually regret answering too quickly. I learned from a mentor of mine to say, “I’ll need to sit on my rock and think about that” my employees know I’ll get back to them and give their request some deep thought, rather than an off the cuff answer. My “rock” tends to be the freeway I commute home on. I do some of my best thinking in the car!